signs

If you have ever grieved the loss of a loved one, whether family, friend, or even family pet, you probably have looked around for signs after their passing. Anything to convince you they are still “around”… present.

My father passed away July of 2008. One of the worst days of my life. It wasn’t expected, it was very sudden and happened so fast there was no time to say “goodbye”. I grieved very deeply for about 2 years. That’s not to say I didn’t still grieve, I do every day just not as intensely, it’s more controlled you could say. My heart will never be complete, that piece is missing forever.

Every day I look for a sign. I’m not religious so often times it’s hard for me to believe in the spiritual life form but I am learning since I don’t believe that religion and spirituality are one in the same. I do believe in spirits, just don’t feel like they’re ever the ones I want to encounter.

Father’s Day is obviously an extremely emotional day. It gets easier, but never easy. This year I was away on a mini vacay. I woke Sunday with the usual Father’s Day anchor weighing on my emotions but as I always do (or at least try), I fought the emotions and tried to muster through the day.

My partner and I decided to just chillax poolside for a bit. We rallied up a few lounge chairs and got settled in. She realized she had to go back up to the room for something so at that time I took a moment to myself. Took a few deep breaths, closed my eyes and raised my face to the beaming sun rays peeping through the surrounding trees. I silently spoke to my Pa.

happy father’s day Pa, I really miss you. I hope you’re doing well wherever you are and whatever you’re doing. I wish I could see you and talk to you more, if you could somehow show me that you’re still with me that’d be great. Ok, I love you.

Moments later my partner arrived back & we decided to cool off and take a quick dip. I’m an all in kinda girl, so I plunged right in. She’s a bit more one-step-at-a-time kinda girl so I swam towards the shallow end where she was entering the pool. As I got to her she says “hey babe, did you see that?” She points towards our lounge chairs, as I turned around I laid my eyes on the most beautiful, deep red cardinal perched right above my chair. We have often read about cardinals representing the spirits of the ones we lost. It looked at me and I looked at it and said “thanks Pa” with tears in my eyes.

I turned back and could see the smile on her face, knowing that she too thought it was a sign from him, even without knowing I had just spoken to him. These are the signs that I look for, that I need. Often times we don’t slow down enough to look around for the signs, they are around us more often than we think. I’m glad for the not so subtly of the cardinal otherwise I may have missed my Father’s Day moment with my Pa ♥

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